Chaos and compartmentalization...

I was watching The Biggest Loser the other night (as I sat there eating dinner) and thought about what Jillian was telling Tara about the mess in her room when the last 4 folks went home for 30 days before the finale week started. It was something about it being a manifestation of the chaos Tara was feeling internally.

I've seen people like that. Stuff just everywhere, nothing in its' place, pathways only big enough for walking, albeit carefully. And I do believe it's a total reflection of what is actually spinning around in their noodles.

I'm a tad different with that. I like to have order...mostly. Everything that can have a place, usually does. However, I have a stack of boxes that 1) I haven't made time to go through and keep adding to them every time I move, and 2) don't have a place to put those things that I don't want to part with once the purging actually begins.

As I was washing the grime off from a day of doing nothing, I realized what MY boxes represent. Each box, whether random and old paperwork or memorabilia and pictures, etc., reflect those compartments in my brain of things that I'm not quite ready to let go of, but also don't really have a place in my daily life, either.

I'm a firm believer that if you can't name it, you can't fix it. So, hopefully, I've finally named that issue, and can now start handling it.

Chaos is not my friend.

Hurricane (y)Ike(s)!

Well, as most of my friends and family know, we came through relatively unscathed. As did the 6 or 8 houses around us. Go a block over in any direction, and they didn't fare so well. Trees uprooted, roof damage everywhere, fences down or completely blown away, never to be found. We were very fortunate. As were most of my friends and family. For that, we are all profoundly grateful to the Powers That Be.

Our town still has no power in over half the area. Produce, ice, water and dairy is hard to come by. It seems none of us are going to shrivel up and blow away, but its not been easy.

I continue to be amazed that we can put flat screen tv's in the back of the headrests of our cars so kids can watch Pokemon while traveling 15 minutes across town, but the wind blows and the 4th largest city in the nation, and surrounding areas, is virtually paralyzed for going on 9 days now. Think it's time to find new methods of power distribution?

This catastrophe is no better or worse than say, Katrina, wide-spread damage wise. The damn thing was so big and lasted so long it made it's way up to the Chicago area and caused damage there too - that's over 1000 miles away. Many areas east of Galveston/Houston were hit even harder than this area. Just as Gulfport and Biloxi were devasted in relation to New Orleans. What remains a mystery to me is that once the initial coverage by national media was displayed, and "they" discovered that there weren't thousands of deaths in Ike's wake, they turned to other news. News no less newsworthy, but just turned almost completely away. As Rachel Maddow from MSNBC said, "...the media turned the page far too soon on the devastation of Hurricane Ike...".

It will be many weeks and months before life returns to normal. For some, it will never be the same. Hundreds of homes were simply washed away, businesses gone, widespread unemployment...and the list goes on.

I just hope that once Governor Perry finally takes a personal tour, which is supposed to be happening within the hour, more help will be requested from our Federal Government....who is busy trying to bail out our economy - the very one the Bush Administration tanked in the first place.

Wonder if there will be anything left for disaster relief.

"I'm a very nice person...."

"I'm a very nice person and I would like to meet a very nice person."

Yeah, that's the notification I just received from one of those personals sites. That "someone" wanted to get my attention.

Well, now, I'm enthralled. I have to get right on that and respond immediately. Because after all, what more can be said in a brief description of oneself?

Um...what was I about to do?

Value? Pfft!!!

I'm continually displeased and even disgusted by the perpetual lying and cheating of local and international corporations claiming more "bang for your buck".

The most recent of my disappointments manifested in a big ol' bag o' bird seed.

Yeah, you heard me.

We regularly fill the little log cabin shaped bird feeder in our backyard. And load the dried corn cobs on the squirrel feeder contraption that the squirrels never seem able to properly operate (they should have had a squirrel design it). Its entertaining, and brings some semblance of serenity to this suburban tract house development. I try.

So, in buying BIG bags of seed, for what seems to be a better price, I've either gotten a less than savory ratio of seed the birds like, to seeds they care nothing for. Or SAND! Yeah, SAND. I was just removing the cabin from the tree to refill it with seed, and there's an entire layer of sand at the bottom of the feeder.

Always in search of a different explanation to keep my blood pressure from boiling, I think that it could have something to do with giving the birds something they need to help their digestion. Just like you give chickens hard grit, if they are held captive for your egg-laying pleasure. But SAND is not listed on the label of ingredients.

So, I'm willing to bet it has everything to do with trying to fool the public in letting them believe they are getting more product for less money.

Throwing that 50lb bag over my shoulder, pulling a hamstring while tripping on an exposed root in the front yard, snorting the excess dust (with no added benefit) while transferring it into other containers to keep other varmints out of it (even though they probably won't eat sand either) -- NOT value.

Sand. I'm worn out!

Our place in this...Universe

A common argument, no, a discussion I have, is about the inherent flaw in the musings of humans regarding the idea that "we" are the only intelligent lifeforms in the universe. "How arrogant!", I exclaim. "We're not even all that advanced, for crying out loud. We can't even power our vehicles efficiently with anything other than billions of years old decayed animal and plant sludge! And never mind the peeps in our so-called "third-world" countries. Do you REALLY think there are pieces of another race relegated to starvation in a world where they can travel through space?"

Sidebar: Um...we COULD actually help "those people" MOVE out of the desolate and secluded arid terrain that doesn't support food growth of any kind instead of dumping bags of rice on their heads. Maybe...just a thought.

Yeah, my "discussions" sometimes get a little heated.

My point is: Our "developed race" (developmentally challenged, I challenge) has an awfully closed collective mind. We even have to attach a word to the vastness that our brains can't wrap around - Universe.

In the event that anyone ever even reads this blog, watch the video below and try, just try to begin to understand the human race's innate ability to underestimate...everything.

Eternal optimism...

I often find myself in the minority. No, not because I'm a lesbian - although that seems to be a problem for some. But, because I have this unnatural (I assume it's unnatural) desire to look on the proverbial bright side.

No matter what's going on, whether the cat puked on my bed, the paper girl lobs my news in a puddle, my employer, Enron, implodes or I land myself in jail (no...I wasn't a lying sack o' shit, cheating, stealing, no good "going straight to Dante's Eighth Circle of Hell" executive at Enron. I was a genuine, hard working, loyal employee who knew nothing about all the deceit), things have GOT to get better.

But sometimes they don't. At least not for a while. Sometimes things get worse...and worse. Yet I still find myself saying, "Self, you can't stay in this dark place forever. No one can. Well, some can, but its not a productive or healthy place to be. Find your testicular fortitude, stand up and start walking again."

And so I do. But then I trip on the dog and spill my coffee and have to think I might have just been bitten by a mosquito carrying the West Nile virus.

Many years of ceaseless struggle later (I'm 42) and I'm still expecting that things are bound to get better. Won't they?

Eternally optimistic...or partially retarded?

Hmm...

Cogito Ergo Sum

"Cogito, ergo sum" (Latin: "I think, therefore I am") or "Dubito, ergo cogito, ergo sum" (Latin: "I doubt, therefore I think, therefore I am") is a philosophical statement used by René Descartes, which became a foundational element of Western philosophy.

I like to utilize that quote on my personals sites. Yes, I used "site" in the plural form. I find I have to spread the wealth that is me, across the broad world wide web. Discussed, ad nauseum, among friends in the same situation, we all find it is more than a little difficult to locate intelligent, humorous, thoughtful, intelligent, kind, compassionate, self-actualized, capable, intelligent, professional, educated, strong, loyal and intelligent people to date. Just to date! Not even commit to - just date, for crying out loud.

Now, because I defined it, you don't have to look it up. But as my first test for worthy communication, I defy the women on those sites to actually exert some energy to find out what it means BEFORE they contact me. It rarely happens. And because it is so obvious that they don't bother, I have to keep myself from responding with some sarcastic or caustic comment to deflate their naively overdeveloped egos that prompt them to go ahead and contact me.

Now I'm not saying I'm "all that". I make it sound like I have a naively overdeveloped ego. I just actually try to have meaningful and genuine interaction with others of like mind (regardless of what certain DNA-related people think).

I'm choosy when it comes to sharing myself. I can't afford not to be.

So all I ask is, think, before you speak!