Dain Bramage

You could be playin' fooball, on a fooball fiel', wid a fooball.

Bob Nelson was one of the funniest stand-up comics in the mid '80's. Below is a clip of one of my all time favorite sets. Enjoy!

Awesome adventures in pet sitting

As does much of my material, this post was inspired by my past roommate, Sandra, and the fun that ensues from a household of domesticated animals.

I recently was animal sitting for the most needy of her pets. Two of the four invaders were cats; one with diabetes who needs insulin shots and blood sugar counts twice per day, and the other an old guy with arthritis and heart issues who needs pills twice per day. Along with those two cats came the dog I am still hopelessly attached to, Truffle (she's far too sensitive to be boarded - hehe), and Sarah's Chihuahua, Bailey, whom I demanded to keep Truffle company...as well as to entertain me.

Whilst administering pills to cats, which is never an easy undertaking, let alone twice per day, one must constantly adjust to their desires and wishes on just how they would like to partake of said pills. After all, we are their indentured servants and if we would like them to do something for us, it must be on their terms.

So, the pills must be properly wrapped in one of the following: Real cheese or canned squirt cheese. (And if those don't work, dissolve pill in water and shoot down gullet with syringe. I find that works the first couple of times).

Dogs also like a cheese treat now and again. Twice a day? They're in heaven. Cats first, dogs second.

And all you have to do is squirt the canned cheese into the air where they pick it off the nozzle...except when the can is almost empty...and it loudly, abruptly and violently spews random splashes of pasteurized genuine imitation cheese food into their faces...and they run and hide...

...from the cheese scented air.

You no longer match...

In my endless, daily job searching, I often receive emails saying, "We're sorry. You no longer match this job."

Um, how can I no longer match? How does that happen? What did I do to no longer match? Does anyone else no longer match or is it just me?

No other explanations. Just, you no longer match.

Well...maybe I don't want to match anymore. Did you ever think of that?

What if I decided not to match a real long time before you "decided" I no longer matched?

And now you're just getting around to telling me I no longer match?

What if my matching capacity far exceeds your match making?

What if I just don't feel like matching today?

Seems like it's more your problem than mine.

So, take that you job matching website!

I'll match myself.

Hold my hair

My roommate's daughter and her Chihuahua have been squatting with us for the last month....because she's afraid of bugs. Not the dog, the kid.

A long haired version, not the kid, the dog, is so ugly, it's cute. Big eyes that need to be shoved back into its miniscule skull, lips that get caught on its razor-like, double row of shark teeth and a feather duster for a tail.

It has a tendency to yak. I assume it has something to do with grooming its own long hair....like a puffy Persian feline that gets the frequent hairball.
As a result, we often hear retching at the most inopportune moments and in bad, bad places (well, is there REALLY a good time and place for vomit?). To avoid further gag-inducing cleanup, it's scooped and swooped into the bathroom where it is unceremoniously held over the toilet bowl....and she holds back the ear hair....of the dog, not the kid.

Being PC

Why is it the American public thinks it's so bad to speak their minds?

I'm just so curious about that.

Is being politically correct that important? Why do we care? Is it that uncomfortable to let others know where you stand personally on sensitive topics? Is it about not wanting other people to see you in a negative light because you have a certain point of view?

I sent out an email yesterday venting about some of the crap that has been flying in the current presidential election campaigns. I was met (not that I expected alot of reaction because people are afraid to be politically INcorrect) with deafening silence and one brave sole that respectfully disagreed....at which point we continued to discuss differing points of view.

As one of my long-time friends said, it makes her butt clench to talk about politics (and abortion, religion, homosexuality) with friends and family. I used to be the same way...it was a learned behavior. But WHY are we like that?

I think being PC has led to more problems than it has helped. Originally it started in order to minimize offense to certain identity groups. But it has morphed way beyond that behavior. Now it has just swung to the other end of the spectrum.

It's talking about issues that gets them understood and sometimes even resolved. Not ignoring them, sweeping them under the carpet or pretending like they're NON-issues.

I think our parents' generation utilized that method of dealing because it was more important to look a certain way -- normal, balanced, maintstream, etc. And, it seemed easier. But in fact, discussion, facing head-on, DEALING with problems and issues is the only way to get THROUGH and PAST them.

I think we, as a people, have maxed out the era of being PC. It's time to stand up and talk and maybe, just maybe, we might evolve toward a more productive and peaceful nation.

Rachel Maddow is my new hero!

And...my new girlfriend. And by girlfriend I mean, only in my dreams. She's the epitome of the type of woman/partner for whom I would sell my soul. Ok, maybe I wouldn't go that far. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't sell my soul for anyone. Hmm. I may have already done that. Not sure. Don't remember. Whatever.

She is INCREDIBLY intelligent (she was a Rhodes Scholar and went to Oxford for her doctorate in Political Science), extremely witty, confident and full of lively energy. And those are just a few brief descriptors. Read more about her here: http://www.maddowfans.com/bio/ or go to: http://www.rachelmaddow.com and click your way through her professional life.

Anyway, she now has her own show as a political analyst (which just started in September) on MSNBC. I have never in my life been so entertained by politics. Of course, there is a TON of material created daily in our current environment. But still...she does a phenomenal job.

I look forward to her show each night. I just wanted to share the fun that I have found. I hope you enjoy her too.

Oh, and below is a link to her appearance on Jay Leno. Loved it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuJAAPPEEJI

Chaos and compartmentalization...

I was watching The Biggest Loser the other night (as I sat there eating dinner) and thought about what Jillian was telling Tara about the mess in her room when the last 4 folks went home for 30 days before the finale week started. It was something about it being a manifestation of the chaos Tara was feeling internally.

I've seen people like that. Stuff just everywhere, nothing in its' place, pathways only big enough for walking, albeit carefully. And I do believe it's a total reflection of what is actually spinning around in their noodles.

I'm a tad different with that. I like to have order...mostly. Everything that can have a place, usually does. However, I have a stack of boxes that 1) I haven't made time to go through and keep adding to them every time I move, and 2) don't have a place to put those things that I don't want to part with once the purging actually begins.

As I was washing the grime off from a day of doing nothing, I realized what MY boxes represent. Each box, whether random and old paperwork or memorabilia and pictures, etc., reflect those compartments in my brain of things that I'm not quite ready to let go of, but also don't really have a place in my daily life, either.

I'm a firm believer that if you can't name it, you can't fix it. So, hopefully, I've finally named that issue, and can now start handling it.

Chaos is not my friend.